Your voice: was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder.
Your eyes: are the brightest of all the colours,
I don’t want to ever love another.
You’ll always be my thunder.
So bring on the rain; and bring on the thunder.

.
Remember that song? It was the story of our entangled lives. The life I got caught up in the moment with. Okay, it was more than just a moment. It was about nine long months of moments. August 4th, 2006 - May 20th, 2007. Those are two dates I’ll never forget. The brackets of my first love, basically.. I don’t know if you still call it that, but I do.. And I think that’s what’s fucking me up.
.
I don’t know why I just tortured myself by reading our old conversations. I’m a masochist. Why would I do that? I’ve found someone else I deeply love. I should be content. I should only think of him.. But as weird as it may sound to everyone; you creep into my mind everyday. You’re only there for a minute of course, then I force you out, but you make an appearance nonetheless. Do I crawl under your skin too? Do you still think about the good parts instead of the bad?
.
Our two year anniversary just passed. I know for a fact that if I hadn’t lied to you, ruined your life, and been the biggest fake.. We’d still be together.
.
I’m sorry I was so self-conscious.
I’m sorry I wasted nine months of your life.
I’m sorry you figured me out on your Prom night.
I’m sorry I broke your heart.
I’m sorry you thought it was all a lie.
I’m sorry I ruined your post-secondary plans.
I’m sorry your vision is too low to be a pilot.
I’m sorry you were too upset to answer my emails.
I’m sorry I lied, cheated, and played you.
I’m sorry you never hurt me.
I’m sorry you had to throw out the gifts I sent you.
I’m sorry I still have the diamond necklace.
I’m sorry I keep your named rice on my dresser.
I’m sorry I played tibia to escape from you.
I’m sorry I check up on your Myspace.
I’m sorry I’m so pathetic.
I’m sorry for still being sorry a year and three months later.
.
Why I chose today of all days to write about you, I don’t know. I woke up, and you were the first thing I thought about. Bad dream maybe, but I can’t remember. Your first love really never does die, I guess. I hope that you’re smiling, that you’re in love with someone true, and that you’re achieving something. God knows you’re worth it.
.
Where’s my boyfriend when I need him?