Tutti, you'd know best.

Teach me how to love,
show me where I stand.
Catch me when I fall,
pick me up again.

Teach me how to feel,
when to take a breath.
How do people heal,
when they're scared to death?

Teach me how to love,
when I've lost my way.
How to not give up,
when I wanna run away.

Give me room to fail,
let me make mistakes.
Help me mend my heart,
it always seems to break.

Teach me how to love,
when the sun turns into rain.
How to give so much,
without expecting back the same.

Your voice: was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder.
Your eyes: are the brightest of all the colours,
I don’t want to ever love another.
You’ll always be my thunder.
So bring on the rain; and bring on the thunder.

.
Remember that song? It was the story of our entangled lives. The life I got caught up in the moment with. Okay, it was more than just a moment. It was about nine long months of moments. August 4th, 2006 - May 20th, 2007. Those are two dates I’ll never forget. The brackets of my first love, basically.. I don’t know if you still call it that, but I do.. And I think that’s what’s fucking me up.
.
I don’t know why I just tortured myself by reading our old conversations. I’m a masochist. Why would I do that? I’ve found someone else I deeply love. I should be content. I should only think of him.. But as weird as it may sound to everyone; you creep into my mind everyday. You’re only there for a minute of course, then I force you out, but you make an appearance nonetheless. Do I crawl under your skin too? Do you still think about the good parts instead of the bad?
.
Our two year anniversary just passed. I know for a fact that if I hadn’t lied to you, ruined your life, and been the biggest fake.. We’d still be together.
.
I’m sorry I was so self-conscious.
I’m sorry I wasted nine months of your life.
I’m sorry you figured me out on your Prom night.
I’m sorry I broke your heart.
I’m sorry you thought it was all a lie.
I’m sorry I ruined your post-secondary plans.
I’m sorry your vision is too low to be a pilot.
I’m sorry you were too upset to answer my emails.
I’m sorry I lied, cheated, and played you.
I’m sorry you never hurt me.
I’m sorry you had to throw out the gifts I sent you.
I’m sorry I still have the diamond necklace.
I’m sorry I keep your named rice on my dresser.
I’m sorry I played tibia to escape from you.
I’m sorry I check up on your Myspace.
I’m sorry I’m so pathetic.
I’m sorry for still being sorry a year and three months later.
.
Why I chose today of all days to write about you, I don’t know. I woke up, and you were the first thing I thought about. Bad dream maybe, but I can’t remember. Your first love really never does die, I guess. I hope that you’re smiling, that you’re in love with someone true, and that you’re achieving something. God knows you’re worth it.
.
Where’s my boyfriend when I need him?

Hearts on fire, hearts on fire;

Burning, burning with desire.

I'm losing you, I'm losing you

Trust me on this one.

I've got a bad feeling,

Trust me on this one.

You're gonna throw it all away,

With no hesitation.

There’s no turning back now, I’m just as bad as you are. Not returning messages, refusing to say “hi”, screening your calls, avoiding plans with you.. Oddly enough, I don’t feel terrible about what I’m doing at all. See, maybe it’s because I’m a bitter and vengeful human in general.. Or maybe it’s because you - and you alone - deserve what’s coming to you. I’m leaning more towards the latter. I certainly hope you know what you’re missing out on. So that you rethink your choices. So that you’re the one laying in bed thinking about us. So that you’re in the position I’ve been in for much too long. It makes me feel good when you get upset over your mistakes. It’s like I’ve accomplished something.. You always said I was a sadistic being, I can see why now. I enjoy seeing you upset over me. And there isn’t much more I can say to you besides this; Karma is most definitely a bitch.

She’s falling apart, she’s falling apart

Don't tell her this won't last forever.

You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart

Don't tell her that you will never be together.

You could be.. over and over.

You could be.. forever.

.
I don’t think you understand what you’re doing to her. Not only to her, but to me too. If any two people can be connected by something more than just the title of ‘best friends’, those two people are her and I. See, I cry when she cries; I laugh when she laughs; I’m going through the same thing she’s going through.
.
I know how she feels: you paralyze her with every word.
I know why she’s broken: you're the one who dropped her.
I know why she can’t speak: you took her breath away.
.
The worst part about this is that I don’t know how to save her from you.. Come to think of it, it’s not you she needs saving from, it’s herself. The constant build up and let down is heartbreaking. But I can’t help myself, let alone her.. And my advice isn’t exactly the best; no one enjoys seeing the place I put myself in. No one but me of course. I couldn’t be happier with my decisions. But something tells me she won’t feel the way I do if she chooses the path I chose. It certainly does take two to tango, and you.. well you aren’t exactly a dancer.
.
But she loves you. I’d like to have a cliché moment and say I don’t know why, but I do know why - only because I've been there, and gone through that.
After everything you’ve done..
After every day she went without hearing from you..
After everybody told her you weren’t worth it..
After she cried almost every night before going to sleep..
After every ignored anniversary on the second of each month..
After every ‘I love you’ she needed to hear, but you didn’t say..
After all that, she still thinks the world of you.
.
I would love nothing more than to see you spill your guts – unrehearsed, and more than just a silhouette. That’s all she’s been doing for the past 4 months. Show her some heart: try wearing it on your sleeve like she does.