A Lack of Colour

2008-08-20T11:40:00.003-04:00

Tutti, you'd know best.

Teach me how to love,
show me where I stand.
Catch me when I fall,
pick me up again.

Teach me how to feel,
when to take a breath.
How do people heal,
when they're scared to death?

Teach me how to love,
when I've lost my way.
How to not give up,
when I wanna run away.

Give me room to fail,
let me make mistakes.
Help me mend my heart,
it always seems to break.

Teach me how to love,
when the sun turns into rain.
How to give so much,
without expecting back the same.

2008-08-18T10:51:00.003-04:00

Your voice: was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder.
Your eyes: are the brightest of all the colours,
I don’t want to ever love another.
You’ll always be my thunder.
So bring on the rain; and bring on the thunder.

.
Remember that song? It was the story of our entangled lives. The life I got caught up in the moment with. Okay, it was more than just a moment. It was about nine long months of moments. August 4th, 2006 - May 20th, 2007. Those are two dates I’ll never forget. The brackets of my first love, basically.. I don’t know if you still call it that, but I do.. And I think that’s what’s fucking me up.
.
I don’t know why I just tortured myself by reading our old conversations. I’m a masochist. Why would I do that? I’ve found someone else I deeply love. I should be content. I should only think of him.. But as weird as it may sound to everyone; you creep into my mind everyday. You’re only there for a minute of course, then I force you out, but you make an appearance nonetheless. Do I crawl under your skin too? Do you still think about the good parts instead of the bad?
.
Our two year anniversary just passed. I know for a fact that if I hadn’t lied to you, ruined your life, and been the biggest fake.. We’d still be together.
.
I’m sorry I was so self-conscious.
I’m sorry I wasted nine months of your life.
I’m sorry you figured me out on your Prom night.
I’m sorry I broke your heart.
I’m sorry you thought it was all a lie.
I’m sorry I ruined your post-secondary plans.
I’m sorry your vision is too low to be a pilot.
I’m sorry you were too upset to answer my emails.
I’m sorry I lied, cheated, and played you.
I’m sorry you never hurt me.
I’m sorry you had to throw out the gifts I sent you.
I’m sorry I still have the diamond necklace.
I’m sorry I keep your named rice on my dresser.
I’m sorry I played tibia to escape from you.
I’m sorry I check up on your Myspace.
I’m sorry I’m so pathetic.
I’m sorry for still being sorry a year and three months later.
.
Why I chose today of all days to write about you, I don’t know. I woke up, and you were the first thing I thought about. Bad dream maybe, but I can’t remember. Your first love really never does die, I guess. I hope that you’re smiling, that you’re in love with someone true, and that you’re achieving something. God knows you’re worth it.
.
Where’s my boyfriend when I need him?

2008-08-18T08:43:00.002-04:00

Hearts on fire, hearts on fire;

Burning, burning with desire.

2008-08-15T12:05:00.001-04:00

I'm losing you, I'm losing you

Trust me on this one.

I've got a bad feeling,

Trust me on this one.

You're gonna throw it all away,

With no hesitation.

There’s no turning back now, I’m just as bad as you are. Not returning messages, refusing to say “hi”, screening your calls, avoiding plans with you.. Oddly enough, I don’t feel terrible about what I’m doing at all. See, maybe it’s because I’m a bitter and vengeful human in general.. Or maybe it’s because you - and you alone - deserve what’s coming to you. I’m leaning more towards the latter. I certainly hope you know what you’re missing out on. So that you rethink your choices. So that you’re the one laying in bed thinking about us. So that you’re in the position I’ve been in for much too long. It makes me feel good when you get upset over your mistakes. It’s like I’ve accomplished something.. You always said I was a sadistic being, I can see why now. I enjoy seeing you upset over me. And there isn’t much more I can say to you besides this; Karma is most definitely a bitch.

2008-08-13T11:55:00.007-04:00

She’s falling apart, she’s falling apart

Don't tell her this won't last forever.

You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart

Don't tell her that you will never be together.

You could be.. over and over.

You could be.. forever.

.
I don’t think you understand what you’re doing to her. Not only to her, but to me too. If any two people can be connected by something more than just the title of ‘best friends’, those two people are her and I. See, I cry when she cries; I laugh when she laughs; I’m going through the same thing she’s going through.
.
I know how she feels: you paralyze her with every word.
I know why she’s broken: you're the one who dropped her.
I know why she can’t speak: you took her breath away.
.
The worst part about this is that I don’t know how to save her from you.. Come to think of it, it’s not you she needs saving from, it’s herself. The constant build up and let down is heartbreaking. But I can’t help myself, let alone her.. And my advice isn’t exactly the best; no one enjoys seeing the place I put myself in. No one but me of course. I couldn’t be happier with my decisions. But something tells me she won’t feel the way I do if she chooses the path I chose. It certainly does take two to tango, and you.. well you aren’t exactly a dancer.
.
But she loves you. I’d like to have a cliché moment and say I don’t know why, but I do know why - only because I've been there, and gone through that.
After everything you’ve done..
After every day she went without hearing from you..
After everybody told her you weren’t worth it..
After she cried almost every night before going to sleep..
After every ignored anniversary on the second of each month..
After every ‘I love you’ she needed to hear, but you didn’t say..
After all that, she still thinks the world of you.
.
I would love nothing more than to see you spill your guts – unrehearsed, and more than just a silhouette. That’s all she’s been doing for the past 4 months. Show her some heart: try wearing it on your sleeve like she does.

2008-07-29T11:47:00.001-04:00

Hey cutie, A/S/L?

Melanie Dawn Amorim.
I like all three parts of my name.
I’m obnoxious, narcissistic, and spoiled.
I don’t like how tall I am.
I’m a model without the body.
I’m young and in love.
I don’t argue unless I’m right.
I’m very irritable and short-tempered.
I can be sweet and caring when I feel necessary.
But I can be painful when the time comes, too.
I’m extremely sentimental.
I deeply dislike who my sister is.
If you deserve something, I’ll give it to you.
I don’t trust, and can’t be trusted.
I stretch the truth to make things interesting.
I take what I want, when I want.
Your secrets aren’t safe with me.
I over-react, and cry over everything.
I’m disrespectful to my parents.
I manage to be childish and mature simultaneously.
I can’t commit to anything.
I’m afraid to be alone.
I’m jealous more often than any other emotion.
I have two best friends, but I love one more than the other.
I don’t like change.
I bite my fingers until they’re raw and bloody.
I hate being put in awkward situations.
I procrastinate until I just don’t have to do it.
Your dirty looks intrigue me.
I judge a book by its cover.
I lie to make people happy.
I used to talk behind everyone’s back - now I confront them.
I use people, and then leave them.
I don’t try as hard as I should.
I think I’m wonderful,
And I enjoy the limelight you provide me.

2008-07-25T09:12:00.003-04:00

Here’s the answer to your repetitive question.
The one I always choose to avoid.
The one I always respond to with “I can’t explain it.”
Truth is, I just can’t explain it to you.
I know exactly what I love about you;

I love the way you smile. The way your eyes squint when you do. How I can’t help but smile back.
I love the way you hold my hand. Your fingers running along mine. The way you lock your hold, like you never want to let go.
I love how you’d do anything to make me happy. How you’ll skip class to get a line-up, just because I like the way you look that way.
I love that you’re just as nervous as I am. The way you tremble when you touch me. The way you look at me, as if to ask if you’re doing it right.
I love how jealous you get. How I’m yours, and only yours. They way you let the other boys know not to come around.
I love the obsession you have with my face. The way you run your fingertips along my skin. The way you hold your cheek to mine.
I love the way you brush your nose against mine. That you keep your eyes on mine the whole time. How happy you look when you’re that close to me.
I love that you understand when to give me space. The way you can wait for me until I’m ready. The way you’ll always be listening.
I love the way you smell. How you let me keep your clothes for as long as I want them, just so you’re with me in some way.
I love that you text me just to ask if I’m okay. The way you’re always thinking of me.
I love how you offer to do anything for me. The way you ask to pay for my movie. The fact you wanted to apply to Humber so I wouldn’t be alone.
I love that you dream of me and tell me the next day. The way you ask me to dream of you too. The fact that I actually do, almost every night.
I love that you make it seem like I’m your favourite. The way you compliment me. The way you get me to blush every single time you do.
I love the way you kiss me. That you’re scared, but passionate. How you’re sad when it’s over, but you can’t stop smiling.
I love that I’m the only one that sees this side of you.

2008-07-24T09:27:00.004-04:00

Take time to realize,

That your warmth is;

Crashing down on me.

Take time to realize,

That I am on your side

.. Didn't I, Didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you,

No it's never gonna be that simple

No I cant spell it out for you..

If you'd just realize what I just realized,

Then we'd be perfect for each other

and we'd never find another..

Just realize what I just realized

we'd never have to wonder

if we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize

Oh-oh I'm on your side

.. Didn't I, didn't I tell you?

Take time to realize

This all can pass you by

.. Didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you,

no it's never gonna be that simple

no I can't spell it out for you.

If you'd just realize what I just realized

then we'd be perfect for each other

then we'd never find another

Just realize what I just realized

we'd never have to wonder

if we missed out on each other now.

It's not always the same

.. no it's never the same

if you don't feel it too..

If you meet me half way

If you would meet me half way.

It could be the same for you.

If you'd just realize what I just realized

then we'd be perfect for each other

then we'd never find another

Just realize what I just realized

we'd never have to wonder..

Just realize what I just realized.

2008-07-24T09:12:00.002-04:00

You're so fucking cute.

I get it now.

...

jkgbnwkg.

ily.

2008-07-21T11:30:00.001-04:00

Imagine if I told you that I need you

I always new this time would come.. The end of high school, the approach of post-secondary degrees, and the final test of relationships. What I didn’t know was how fast the time would fly by me. Even the lowest points of our friendship seem that they went by all too fast, when at the time they were happening it felt like they would never end. The worst part is that our highest points, the ones I’ll never forget, feel like they just happened yesterday. All within the blink of an eye, they came, happened, and went. It’s heartbreaking to know I may never see you – my best friend – again. I mean, it’s happened before. I can’t remember the last time I saw my elementary school best friend of eight years. Eight years with that one special friend seemed like a miracle – a blessing – like nothing could ever test the strength of our friendship.. And now I’m sitting here, wondering what she’s been doing, where she’s going, and whether or not she still wants to open the veterinarian office with me. I’m terrified that will happen again. That I’ll have to endure the next year alone, keeping my deepest secrets to myself, as I attempt to build a new support system all over again. Maybe it won’t happen. Maybe I won’t have to do that. ‘Cause to be completely honest, the 2 short years of knowing you feel a lot stronger than the 8 years of knowing her. You know everything about me. You know my strengths, my weaknesses, and my fears. There isn’t anyone I consider more important in my life right now other than you. Seriously. After every laugh that made us have to catch our breath, every tear that streamed down our cheeks, every painful bear hug, and every awkward hand holding.. There’s nothing I would re-do with you. I know I’m not perfect, and that I annoy you, piss you off, say stupid stuff and then take it back.. But put all that aside and you’ll never find a girl that cares and loves you more than I do.
You’ll always be my Tutti, if I’m always your Frutti.
Takka Takka, Darbee Darbee, out.

2008-07-21T08:34:00.001-04:00

Evasion

She wanted something just like the real thing,
He needed love - and it all worked out somehow.
But she wasn’t always like this;
She never needed a boy.
And he wasn’t always like that.
He always had his toys.
But they were everything to each other,
Everything they ever needed.
She called on him, and he -
He called on her.
She suffered him,
And he suffered her.
She wasn’t thinking about anyone else just then,
But she knew someone would always crawl back in.
‘Cause he didn’t show her what she needed
And he was scared when they spoke about love,
So every night, she still pleaded..
That he would suffer her,
Because she would suffer him.
That he could call on her,
And she could call on him.
In that moment, they were both afraid;
They started thinking that pretty soon..
One of them would leave.
But he turned around, and as he did –
He said, I’m here for you..

And she ran and hid.

2008-07-17T12:17:00.002-04:00

You say, "true love; it's suicide."

I'll be there for you;
These five words I swear to you.
When you breathe I want to be the air for you;
I'll be there for you.

I'd live and I'd die for you,
Steal the sun from the sky for you.
Words can't say what a love can do;
I'll be there for you.

2008-07-16T22:47:00.001-04:00

if it's the thought that counts
you can count on me
i think about you all the time

2008-07-16T11:16:00.004-04:00

Whether he loves me, or hurts me

He'll always have me.

Trying hard not to hear,

But they talk so loud.

Their piercing sounds fill my ears,

Try to fill me with doubt.

Yet I know that their goal

Is to keep me from falling.

But nothing's greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace.

And in this world of loneliness I see your face.

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I'm going crazy,

.. Maybe, maybe..

But I don't care what they say;

I'm in love with you.

They try to pull me away,

But they don't know the truth.

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing;

I keep bleeding love.

2008-07-15T11:20:00.005-04:00

It’s been a long time,

I shouldn’t have left you.

What would you do, to get to me?
What would you say, to have your way?
Would you give up, or try again?
If I hesitate, to let you win.
Would you be yourself, or play your role?
Tell all the boys, or keep it low?
If I say no, would you turn away?
Play me off, or would you stay?

I'm into you, you're into me.
But I cant let it go, so easily.
Not 'til I see, what this could be,
Be eternity? Or just a week?
You know, our chemistry is off the chain.
Its perfect now, but will it change?

This isn't a yes, this isn't a no.
Just do your thing, we'll see how it goes.

2008-07-14T08:56:00.007-04:00

"Do you think you made the right choice?"

"'Course"

You say you want to know more about me,
and that I know you all too well for your own good,
I guess that's where love's brought me.
A one way road.
One where I understand everything about you
but you know nothing about me.
Maybe that's a good thing-
I mean, that makes me mysterious and unpredictable..
Right?
Not exactly.
Your every touch can still manipulate me in ways you'll never know.
Your words are like puppeteer strings attached to my every limb.
I know you've noticed that much.
Maybe that's what's keeping you around.
The ability to get to me like you can isn’t open for everyone.
It’s actually only open to you.
You're the only one.
And you've always been the only one for about a year now-
and seeing the way this is going,
I'm almost positive you'll always be the only one.
See, I'm not exactly one for commitments..
Let it be the commitment to an essay, a hobbie,
or a relationship.
But, hey.. You've been around
every day of my life for a year now,
and I still cant seem to let you go.
I still get butterflies when you speak,
my stomach knots up when you touch me,
and I cant seem to think when you look into my eyes.
Kind of pathetic, I know.
But it’s true.
Through all this; I should be happy I've finally found someone I genuinely love,
and who loves me back.
But of course.. It isn’t that easy.
I should have learned the first time around that nothing would change.
Don’t get me wrong, you’ve really transformed..
But the mistakes you made before still linger in their minds.
Yeah, see, I’ve got a few best friends..
They don’t exactly enjoy this.
I know very well that they all mean well..
What I don’t know is if they’re looking out for me,
or if all this is just for themselves.
I mean.. They don’t like you.
That’s fair..
But are they trying to keep us apart because they don’t want me to get hurt again..
Or is it just because they don’t like you, period?
But to be completely fair and honest,
I don’t know how I would have survived the pain you caused me
if it weren’t for them.
They held me together while you played your games,
and watched me cry the tears you forced upon me.
So it’s completely understandable why they could actually hate you,
and why they cringe at the thought of me and you together.
You haven’t exactly given them reason not to feel that way..
I can’t keep standing up for you.
Believe me, it isn’t very easy.
I don’t have any proof of your dramatic change..
All I have are your I love yous,
your promises to stay with me forever,
your quiet pleads to be with me,
and our patient conversations about our relationship in the long-run.
I know you think I’m not trying hard enough like you are..
But I really am.
I want to be with you more than anything,
but I cant choose you over them.
Hurts to hear it, right?
Believe me, I know.
I haven’t exactly been on your front burner this whole time either,
have I?
Only recently have you pushed them aside for me..
And I’m sorry I have to do this to you.
I don’t want to be this way.
Just know that I’m not doing it for revenge..
I’m doing it to keep my sanity.
And if that means holding back on you to keep my friends happy..
Then I don’t deserve you like I think I do.
I didn’t think it’d hurt as much as it just did to say that.
Let me rethink that.
I’m almost positive I don’t pay much care to what they think about you..
I mean, if I did I wouldn’t still be here after a year.
I love you.
Those three words don’t quite have the same effect anymore.
You mean so much more to me than they come across to say.
.. I never thought I’d say that.
But there it is.
So no, I won’t hold out.
I’ll return every piece of love you’ve shown me.

As long as you don’t give up on me,
I wont give up on you.

Promise.

2008-07-13T19:44:00.002-04:00

I just need to know if it's possible

for two people to be happy together

forever.

2008-07-08T11:52:00.009-04:00

What is love?

Baby, don't hurt me;

don't hurt me no more.

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

- 8yrs old

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

- 4yrs old

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

- 7yrs old

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

- 6yrs old

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

- 4 yrs old

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.'

- 7 yrs old

What an image. And that's exactly what it is - believe me, I've still got little stars coming out of me to this very day. I cant explain why, and that's what scares me the most. It's amazing how real these explanations are. Under their childish facade, each one has a deeper meaning. Something completely profound. To be honest, I myself dont know how to explain what love is - but each of these little kids knew exactly what it was to them. I feel wrong not knowing how to explain it. I think the problem is that my head is so fogged. Cluttered, even. I think we all need a break from reality, one that'll return us to our childish state of mind. Seems like that's when we know ourselves the best.

2008-07-04T08:44:00.005-04:00

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody.

So here's the thing, we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, but it's usually a load of bull. We pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick by them.

No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with us at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping.

And sure, sometimes close can be too close.

But sometimes - that invasion of your personal space - it can be exactly what you need.

2008-06-26T01:47:00.007-04:00

So why should I take your hand

if you cant promise happy endings?

Here I am.. In the same position I was before. I cant say I didn't see it coming.. But I trusted you enough, listened to every 'I love you', and ignored everyone's opinions about you, all in hopes that you'd give me a little glimmer of hope. You're not supposed to make me cry, so what exactly am I doing in this emotional state? I'm here feeling pathetic, denied, and abandoned - That's what I'm doing. Might I add, I also feel like garbage.. Oh, you also said I was dirty. So there you have it. Pathetic. Denied. Abandoned. Garbage. Dirty. I should make an acronym, shouldn't I? Then I can always refer back to this very feeling, every time you start to be somewhat respectable to me. Oh who am I kidding? You and I both know I'll be right back on my knees for you within a few days.. If you bring out that sweet talking side, maybe even a few hours. I can hear them now.. "Why put yourself through the pain?" "You don't deserve this." "You're better than what he says." Believe me.. I know I'm better than you. But you don't understand how much I love you. Yes, I said it; I love you. And no, I don't think I ever will truly get over it. Even when you say you think I'm garbage, and when you questions my dignity in reference to your touch.. I'm not done loving you yet. Not even after 3 strikes. The permission to call me worthless is now open..

2008-06-11T23:11:00.006-04:00

11:11pm
i dont know where i stand with you,
and i dont know what i mean to you,
all i know is everytime i think of you,
all i wanna do is be with you.

2008-06-08T18:59:00.004-04:00

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Cant you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do.

I cant go to the ocean
I cant drive the streets at night
I cant wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I'll bet you're just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

2008-05-23T00:21:00.004-04:00

Oh god, I feel like I'm in for it now,

I swear I'll melt if you touch me at all.

And suddenly,

you've done it all.

You've won me over

in no time at all.

♥

2008-05-18T14:55:00.006-04:00

No One's Gonna Love You Like I Do.

I don’t know what I want from you. I really don’t. Everyone knows we have a connection - I know you see it too. I cant help the fact that you're outrageously annoying at times.. or that it makes me smile.. I don’t know what to tell you.. Cause I sure as hell don’t understand what I'm feeling either. You're loud, you're obnoxious, you're mean, and we both know how tense it gets when we fight.. But then again, when we're not fighting, it's like we can read each other's minds, like we never want to let each other get away - like I still love you. Chances are we wont get back together - and that the feelings wont go away.. But hey, I'm trying as hard as I can. Most of all, I regret giving you up. I miss you.

2008-04-19T19:13:00.002-04:00

Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house.

And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other’s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

2008-04-15T17:10:00.006-04:00

I came to see the light in my best friend,

she seemed as happy as she'd ever been..

My chance of being open was broken,

and now she's Mrs. Him..

2008-04-05T23:55:00.007-04:00

If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?

And if you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?

2008-04-03T11:41:00.008-04:00

"Intimacy Comes From Shared History."

He speaks of old lovers, and past issues.
The best of times, and his worst misuses.
His scars are flawless.
Each and every one of them tell a new and unique story,
of memorable segments he will never forget,
but I will never help make.
I want to mean something,
I want there to be romance.

Question existing –
will I be hidden, or paraded,
or kept behind closely monitored screens
never to be spoken of again.

Then I remember –
so much for dreaming.

Just tell me you want to scar me too.

2008-03-30T16:39:00.008-04:00

Enemy 'til Proven Friend.

Please show me.
Show me I wasn't wrong,
and that the feeling in my stomach is just hunger.
I mean, you cried.
That has to count for something.

...

This always happens.
Me; rethinking everything,
over-analyzing the simplist of choices.

...

But this isnt simple.
For one, you're my bestfriend;
you deserve a second chance..
Mind you, you're my bestfriend
after all that trust you broke,
do you really think you should have gotten
that much out of me?
This isnt supposed to be happening.

That's it.
I'm moving to England.

2008-03-26T19:07:00.011-04:00

It's sad when people you know become people you knew. When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours and now, you can barely even look at them.. It's sad how times can change without you even knowing it.

2008-03-26T18:24:00.010-04:00

You want to talk?

It's been 5 months, why start now?

It's your turn now. Fight for my attention, keep me involved, and try to be half the friend i was to you. Five months. That's all it took for you to throw away a friendship of 4 years. That's how long it took me to actually realize your worth. And finally, that's how long you had to build up the courage to tell me how shady and untrusting you've been. The lines of "I was scared to tell you" aren’t working. If you think I'm so terrifying, then why stick around as long as you did? Because I can tell you right now - I feel as if you were a complete waste of time. I feel like each and every minute I spent with you was a lie. I feel I deserve better. All of this because you were "too afraid to tell me". What was I going to say? I mean, really.. Think up the worst case scenario. And now tell me it wouldn’t be easier than what you're dealing with now. But hey, there's nothing you can do. I've tried to connect with you. Don’t even try to say I haven’t. You're the one that hasn’t met me half way. What was I to you? A free ticket to show people you weren’t a loser? Your prop so you didn’t have to sit alone? Because let me tell you - That's what I see in you. A user and a fake. So continue on with your games, your lies, and you life. Just let me know which path you've chosen to take. The one I knew, or the one I want no part of. Either way, you've lost your chance with me. Mind you, it looks like I wasn’t worth your time of day anyway.

This isn’t easy for me, but at least the truth is coming out.

2008-01-18T20:40:00.004-05:00

I get so distracted
By some peoples reactions
That I don't see my own faults
For what they are.

2008-01-10T00:48:00.003-05:00

"But there's no sense crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying till you run out of cake."

- Gabriel

2008-01-09T16:55:00.002-05:00

It's there, I know it is.

Because when I look at you,

I can feel it.

2008-01-09T16:16:00.003-05:00

"Baby, baby, baby; when all your love is gone,
who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?"

I've put all my trust in you. I'm walking on a fine line now for the rest of my life because of it. Dont get me wrong, I wont pull myself out from under you just yet. I'm giving you the time to redeem yourself, to show me your faults, and to let me help you fix them. Please dont mess up so soon like I did. I know you've got something they dont see. I just cant prove it to them. Trust me - you dont exactly deserve the second chance; but I believe in you. Show them what you've shown me. Show them your sweet side, your real life problems, the girl you're in love with, and your histerical personality. Nothing would be this way if you werent so two-faced. What's wrong with being the real Henry infront of everyone else? He isnt as terrible as you may think he is.. I mean, I've fallen for him over and over again - but this mask you're holding to your face is pushing me away, and I miss you already.

2007-12-11T08:58:00.002-05:00

Secrets: Publicized

Stop playing that card. It doesn't work with me anymore. I'm not a counsellor. I'm far from that - but you'd be the last to know, wouldn't you? It's hard to believe you cant see the wrong in yourself - when that's all that's visible to me. What happened to that smile? The one that assured me you meant no harm, in anything you did. I cant remember the last time it came out. Truth be told, I cant remember anything about you. The letters you wrote to me don't make any sense now, and the looks you give me don't either. I cant explain what happened, but I'm sure you can. But hey, nothing's ever your fault, right? You stand there, looking at me like everything's perfect, and nothing could get better; meanwhile, I look at you and see that we've hit rock bottom, and there's nothing that could make things worse. But there you go again, proving me wrong. Things COULD get worse. And they have. You look absolutely disgusting now.. Trying to cover your ass before picking up the pieces of what we had. I don't think you'll ever see that they never really did fit. Forcing them together didn't work. Can you see it now? We've only got ourselves to blame. When you finally realize that, I'll work on respecting you again.

2007-12-10T00:03:00.002-05:00

"So from now on, when I think of you,

I remember that you could've been

the best thing I ever had..."

It's not that I dont want you..

It's that I want you more than anything.

I'm afraid I wont be able to spend my life with you, like I want to..

So I shut myself out from you, thinking the feelings will go away,

And maybe I wont need to have you here, every minute that I'm breathing.

2007-12-09T00:52:00.001-05:00

HAKUNA MATATA

it means no worries

2007-12-08T20:41:00.002-05:00

Something Special

I think everyone has that one person you can always go to, no matter how low you get, or how amazing you feel. A person you look up to, cherish, and cant live without, no matter how hard you try. The fights, the tears, and the laughs that lead to tears, all build up to a new relationship, one that you know keeps your life on the right track. No matter how offensive, rude, or brutally honest they can be, you know you can always go to them for that helping hand when you feel as if you're about to break down. They have that side to them you always wish you had. You look up to them, even when they themselves feel as if the whole world is above them. Strong and compassionate is exactly what you describe them as - eventhough you can both see the soft and delicate side in eachother. They're the foundation to your success, and your ticket to happiness. I can proudly say I've found this person, and whether either of us like it or not, it's a friendship worth keeping for a lifetime.

2007-12-08T18:06:00.002-05:00

"I'm not saying it was your fault,

although you could've done more.

Oh you're so naive."

Definitely a quote I can relate to.. In all honesty, I don't see how you could see what you did as right, or how you could - on any level - relate it to what I'm doing. I thought you were doing so well, changing things for the better. I was so proud of you. You know I was, I told you everyday. There's no way I think that now. Maybe everything I saw, and everything I thought was through rose coloured glasses. Was everything just part of this big show you're attempting to put on? Or are you actually trying to blossom into something better than you were before? I'd like to think you are. Either way, you know just as well as I do that I wont hold this against you forever. Heck, I probably wont even bring it to your attention. I just hope you realize that I know. Maybe it's not all your fault. Maybe it's my own fault. I mean, it wasn't that hard to see. Yeah, I'm definitely the naive one this time.